Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
