I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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