nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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