imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
