I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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