my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
