he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fuck appropriateness.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
