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I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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