So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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