we're chasing vodka with high fives
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
