Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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