i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
