Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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