ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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