he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
