I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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