If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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