alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
