please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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