I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
