oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
