Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
