He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
