By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize