my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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