I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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