Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Two words: blizzard sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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