Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your penis caused this!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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