Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
