I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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