i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
