Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize