This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
