This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope mine doesn't look like that
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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