just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
