You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
