Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
