on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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