are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
