Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
