He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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