So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
