I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
