Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
