white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
