i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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