Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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