Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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