Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
