I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
