i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
