The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
50% drunk capacity currently
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
