Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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