the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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