considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
