I just saw a hot homeless man
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
