my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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