Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The ass gains better be worth it
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