I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
