which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
