I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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