and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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