if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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